1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same
night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved,
and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share
yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we
observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think
she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal
about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,religion,
economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we
are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is
very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A
large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up
to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to
have dinner with.
FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra
than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly
population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to
do with them.
night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved,
and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share
yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we
observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think
she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal
about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,religion,
economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we
are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is
very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A
large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up
to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to
have dinner with.
FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra
than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly
population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to
do with them.
I don't like signatures, they take up too much screen space.
