75ZT Community

[Bermudan 75]

My wife suggested we spice things up a bit and play doctors and nurses.

So I put her on a trolley in the hall and ignored her for 48 hours.

[Bermudan 75]

While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for... "I'm okay I ...

[Bermudan 75]

Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical. A few days later the doctor phones and says Paddy, you realise you’ve got sugar diabetes.

Paddy says, Nice one, when do I fight him?

[Bermudan 75]

The frequency of sexual activity of senior males depends on where they were born.
Statistics just released from The National Statistics Office and The United Nations B.O.H. Team, revealed that:
North American, Australian, New Zealanders and British men between 60 and 80 years of age, will on average, have sex two to three times per week, (and a small number a lot more), whereas Chinese men, in exactly the same age group, will have sex ...

[Bermudan 75]

In my mature years, I'm beginning to understand the Bible! For those who
haven't heard, the State of Washington passed two laws:

* Same-sex Marriage
* Legalized Marijuana

The fact that same-sex marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day
makes perfect biblical sense because Leviticus 20:13 says:

"If a man lies with another man they should be stoned."

I just hadn't interpreted it correctly before.

[Bermudan 75]

6 OF THE BEST SMART ARSE ANSWERS EVER

SMART ARSE ANSWER 6
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in
the front row.
"What are my choices?" the man asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.

SMART ARSE ANSWER 5

A lady was picking through the frozen Chickens at a Tesco store but she
couldn't find one big enough for her ...

[Bermudan 75]

The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and
it won !!

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the next race,
and it won that race too.

The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the
Pastor not to enter the donkey in another races.

The next day the local paper headline read:
“BISHOP SCRATCHES ...

[Bermudan 75]

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Alex."
"Good morning Pastor," he replied, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor, what ...

[PaulT]

The Moral of Auntie Sharon

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, 'My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket ...

[Colvert]

The missus bought a paperback down by the sea today.
I had a look inside her bag, t'was 'Fifty Shades of Grey.'

Well I just left her to it and at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared, the sight filled me with dread !

In her left, she held a rope and in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor and then began to strip.

Well fifty ...