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Three tourists were driving through Wales.

As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name.

They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter one asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiiiing."

A convict breaks in to a house and ties up the husband and his wife.

He jumps on the wife, kisses her ear and then runs to the bathroom.

The husband whispers to his wife "satisfy him or he will kill is. I saw the way he kissed you, just be strong i love you"

The wife replies "he didnt kiss me, he whispered in my ear he's gay horny and looking for vaseline. I told him its in the bathroom lets see who's feeling strong now"

Day At The Fair

Every year, Fred and Ethel would spend a day at the State Fair. Every year, Fred would say, "Ethel, I'd like to ride in that airplane."

And every year, Ethel would say, "I know, Fred, but that airplane ride cost ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

One year, while they were at the fair, Fred said, "Ethel, I'm 74 years old. If I don't have a ride in that airplane this year, I may never get another chance."

"Fred, that airplane ride cost ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars," Ethel replied.

The pilot happened to overhear them and said, "Listen folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you anything. But, if you say one word, then you'll have to pay the ten dollars."

Fred and Ethel agreed, so up they went. The pilot did all kinds of rolls and dives, twists and turns, but not a word was heard. He did all his fancy maneuvers again, but still not a word.

When they finally landed, the pilot turned to Fred and said, "Gosh, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, and yet you never said a word."

"Well," Fred replied, "I was going to say something when Ethel fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

At a doctor's clinic one morning a patient arrives complaining of serious backache. The doctor examines him and asks him "What the hell did you do to your back?

"The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? Today morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been sleeping with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him. That's how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor says "My previous looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?"

He replies, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now. Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to you?"

"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor!", said the patient.

The Sign…

A priest and a pastor from the local church are standing by the side of the road, pounding a sign into the ground that reads:

"The End Is Near! Turn Yourself Around Now -- Before It's Too Late!"

As a car sped past them, the driver yelled, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"

From the curve, they heard screeching tires and a big splash.

The pastor turns to the priest and asks, "Do you think the sign should just say 'Bridge Out'?"

Aligator Shoes

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shoe store shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'

The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?'

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he spotted the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.

As he brought his car to a stop, he saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her.

With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying belly up.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement as the blonde struggled mightily and barely managed to flip the gator onto its back.

Then, rolling her eyes heavenward, she screamed in frustration.....

Damn! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!

Very good, keep um coming